My dearest darling boy is gone. He was put to sleep at 10.30am this morning after a few wet beds over the last couple of days which coupled with already regular faecal incontinence came our mutual realisation that we could no longer let him go on like that and wanting to stop things before he suffered more.
He has been getting weaker and slower, he has been a bit off his food but willing to be fed by hand which was very endearing. Mentally he still seemed the same though, it is sometimes so cruel that the body gives out before the mind, you feel like you are playing God. I hope he doesn't feel that I have betrayed him, I want to think that I have set him free...
Yesterday I prepared a place for him in one of the barns. The previous owners had a whelping box because they used to breed dogs. I cleaned it out and rubbed lavender oil into the wood so it smelled beautiful, I found flowers and blossom from the garden to put on the bottom.
Today we gave him a sedative at 8am, but as usual he fought it. The vet was able to treat him in the back of the car, he took his last breath in my arms and I kissed him goodbye.
I laid him in the box with a candle and some red rose petals, I hugged him, for a long time. In the next few days the Pet Crematorium will let me know when I can collect his ashes and he will be scattered on our field, where he will be next to me every day.
I cannot describe the pain of missing him here, there is such an emptiness in the house. Holly took one look at him, sniffed and turned away. It will remain to be seen how she gets on over the next few weeks.
Darling Sonny, I love you so much and miss you baby....
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