slow progress

It seems as though I'm not doing much doesn't it because I'm not giving you any feedback on what we're up to.  However, steady progress has been made in some areas.

Before fearful of taking dog out on my own, partner nearly always walking him  Now can take him out more on my own on road only
Before walking dog alone with headphones to distract fearful thoughts and give another focus if we met a dog  Now able to walk dog without headphones using hypnotherapy techniques
Before use of tapping techniques to dissipate anxiety and calming 'mantra', worked to reduce anxiety in some situations  Now able to use calming mantra without use of tapping, it has the same effect - result!
Before unable to tackle walking with partner and our other dog as both dogs kicked off if they met another dog Now walking dogs together is mostly ok but still feeling unable to tackle offroad walking and fearful of meeting dogs offlead, BUT walking ahead with other dog, separating my nervous energy from Sonny, focussing on dealing with the dog offlead, explaining situation to the other owner can help him  and me to be less reactive!

Ongoing issues

My nervous reactions, which are very ingrained, mainly an issue when Sonny very reactive and lunging which I find very wearing,

Feeling confident to:
walk him offroad
deal with other dogs offlead without avoiding or fear
deal with walking in close proximity to people, he can still react aggressively even when the other person is some way away, and not just when he is with me
being suprised, people and or dogs emerging from turnings

Finding him a pack to mix with, does anybody want to take this on for 6 weeks so he can learn dog language and accept pack rules? 

Christmas wishes

Yes I know I'm not blogging regularly at the moment.  1.  Icy weather, when it's slippy underfoot the thought of trying to reign in a dog that's lunging at another dog is not great for your confidence, he can pull me over at the best of times.  I wish I could stop him lunging it's wearing.
2. Bloody cold walking so find it hard to be out for long, I think I was probably a bear in a previous life.  My desire to hibernate in the winter months is very strong.  If I had my way I would draw the curtains in October and emerge when the bad weather was over!  3. A racking cough which is now on it's 4th week and making me feel wretched, I sound like old man Steptoe on a bad day! 4. Virtually not meeting other dogs or, as usual all untrained/dominant/generally lairy beasts.  Poor Sonny, why can't he be surrounded by nice sensible non reactive dogs who could help him build his confidence! 

This last week we've been trying him OFF medication to see how he would fare, in our view not much difference to his behaviour either way.  Only thing I did notice was that his todger was sticking out again, this is possibly a sign of stress so whether this is a good enough reason to keep him on it, I don't know as the meds are hugely expensive if we have to keep them going over a long period.  Will need to discuss this with Sally and get her advice on this.

Classic example of Sonny not exhibiting any common sense recently.  A girl in the village has just got herself a very sweet Jack Russell pup.  It is TINY, did Sonny react, yes he did.  It's obvious he shows absolutely no judgement about what could be a danger to him or, me.  Another day we past what is a habitually yappy Yorkie who is forever boundary-chasing in the garden.  Glad I don't live next door!  Whenever Sonny sees him, he goes mad. I thought that if we had been able to keep Sonny there long enough he would not have been able to react for ever and would eventually have to calm down.  He tried all tactics, the usual bark and lunge.  I put him in a sit, he would not take a treat, he would look at me, briefly, then he would start again.  At one point he tried 'flight' tactics and appeared to be trying to climb up into my arms, that's when you really see his fear, poor lad.  Unfortunately the yorkie was by now completely frantic and the owner came out to remove him, probably not best pleased that I was making his dog bark even more than usual.  Hey ho, a missed opportunity for both of us to have more well behaved dogs, never mind.

Well the next few days are Christmas so hope all of you have a great time.  Don't forget to keep all the grapes and chocolates well out of the dogs way as they can be lethal and you don't need an expensive vet bill to add to your Christmas financial burdens.

Sonny and I wish you all a Merry Christmas xxx

We've been quiet for a while

We've been quiet for a while.  The snow is falling and the icy roads do not make the dog walking any easier.  A mixed bag of experiences over the last few weeks.  Either not meeting any dogs or, meeting all the wrong ones.  I have started some hypnotherapy sessions to help me manage my anxiety in relation to walking Sonny.  If I can't take my own capacity to trigger him out of the equation he does not have much chance of rehabilitation.

 I've only had one session so far so it's early days.  I'm supposed to visual a confident me walking my dog, it's extremely hard to do but I'm working on it.  In addition I'm supposed to tap various areas which apparently rebalances the meridians, I do find the effect calming but wonder if it works by distraction.  Maybe I could get someone to kick me every time I see another dog, would the effect be the same?  Anyway, if you see a mad woman tapping herself whilst walking along with a rather confused looking dog, it's probably me!

This weekend we were away so consequently had to walk Sonny in a different area, I dealt with this by separating myself from him and walking our other dog ahead of him if we encountered other dogs.  This helps him distract onto where I am rather than the dog he is about to encounter.  He did really well and even managed to pass a collie and 4 kids at close proximity, it just goes to show the more confident the handler the better he is.  This is my mission to get to the point where I feel able to face these situations with him rather than avoiding them and giving that responsibility to other people but at least I got to see that he could do it,

That brain

It was an extremely hard day yesterday.  I have been away for a few days so unable to do our usual session last week.  As you know for those of you who are regular readers, gaps in training make my anxiety get worse.  Yesterday was no exception. My other dog Holly was to be part of the picture today as Sally needed to assess the impact of 'Miss Diva' on Sonny's behaviour.  In the morning she had been a little madam, being very pushy with me about getting into the car on her terms, so I was not expecting great things.  However, she was in fact to be impeccably behaved throughout the morning.  However, the gap in training, my work having been less than enthusiastic about letting me take yet more time off and the addition of another dog made me feel much more worried, now I have another dog to think about and Sonny has been very reactive to other dogs this week with me feeling quite frustrated with him that he has such a long way to go in terms of his desensitisation. 

A spaniel, approaches off lead, Sally has given me clear instructions about situations like this, walk on, don't falter, the other dog will just fall into line and walk alongside or, give up and rejoin his pack.  My unconscious fear works overtime and I find myself diverting off to the side, separating myself from Sally and Rocky who are forging ahead.  It happens in an instant, the drive to avoid situations that I cannot cope with is stronger than the rational side of me that wants to help my dog and conquer my fear.  Sonny does well, he has not reacted, better than he had been managing earlier this week, however Sally is clearly not pleased and makes a wry comment, I'm sure she means well, but as I don't tend to respond well to teasing, I slump further into depression about this brain of mine which still reacts so strongly to situations in which I need to feel strong enough to help my dog.  Things are not going well today.

Further on some young people are mucking about with boats, we have swopped dogs by now, so Sally is taking Sonny forward, putting him up against his fears about close proximity to strange people and things.  A man in a rubber suit holds his hand out to Sonny, it's a tense moment, there's not much more you can do after you've put a big yellow sign on your dog's back, warning people not to approach him!  To my surprise he merely sniffs the man's hand and moves on.  Again I think it's not that he can't be different, he just can't be different with me!

We talk about various options, putting him into various packs of dogs that Sally knows of, none of it sounds ideal and it would be a big thing to do, meaning he would probably have to be away for a few weeks.  What if he reverted to type when he came back to me? It is possible, I've seen it on Cesar Milan several times where the owners simply have the wrong energy or, don't address the unwanted behaviour in the right way.  These dogs usually end up living in Cesar's pack, but today if I thought he would be settled and happy, I think I'd let him go.  What, me? Give up on my beloved dog? Now you can tell what sort of a day I'm having!

It's been a difficult morning, we agree enough for now.  He is making progress but it's very slow and I am up against pressure from work with regard to taking time off for the training.  I'm feeling hemmed in, frustrated, upset and angry.

A few days later and a good sob on the phone to my partner about how useless I feel and how Sonny would be better off with a different owner, I've picked myself up a bit.  Maybe I need to look into doing something about this fear in a different way?  Sally mentioned she knew a good hypnotherapist but I don't want to see a man and he's a long way from where I live.  I decide to look closer to home.  I discover someone not far from me and I go for my first assessment on Saturday.  If she can help me with whatever it is I'm afraid of, maybe we'll get somewhere.  I'll let you know how it goes...

The Woofer and his ball!

Wednesday morning saw further practising of the 'pass and say hi' exercise.  This is to help Sonny to desensitise to coming into close proximity with other dogs and their owners.  Next we move onto the 'startle exercise' of Sonny getting used to people suddenly appearing from behind bushes at him.  Part of Sonny's hyper vigilance when he is out on walks results in him being particularly jumpy around narrow openings, successfully mirrored of course by his erstwhile owner. We are Siamese twins when it comes to tracking danger, as Sally keeps reminding me (I have to say with endless patience!)  Of course now it is relatively easy with Sally and Rocky as I pretty much trust him not to react adversely to either of them.  However this would not be the case at our local shopping centre where anyone coming out from a side-road could be anything from a small child to an elderly adult, all of which I studiously avoid if at all possible.

Next we step up the tempo and go back to the ball throwing.  Throwing for each dog individually whilst the other is on lead.  Sonny is sooooo happy when he sees the ball and the ball launcher, yes he remembers from last time.  Ball means FUN!!  I cannot describe the moment of pure joy of seeing my dog really running for the ball full pelt after so long. One of my great joys about dogs has always been their pure unbridled zest for life.  Dogs never worry about how they come across to others, how their hair looks in the morning or, whether anyone will like them.  They just ARE and how I would like to be if I had anywhere close to their sense of purpose and confidence!! This dog has hardly been able to be let off lead free running for probably the last 7 years?  This is a great moment for both of us as I am reminding of how it used to be when I could take him to the park and keep him focussed on his ball, rather than his fear of other dogs. See the video!!  However, at some point that strategy stopped working and I became too fearful to risk it any more. A little chink of light is beginning to emerge...

Rocky again today teaches me his view of Sonny's readiness to be close to him, namely, not very.  Sally notes that when he retrieves the ball for me he lies down a little way off.  Why won't he come to me?  He knows Sonny won't tolerate it, that's why.  When he gets closer that will tell us that Sonny is becoming more tolerant. Aren't dogs just amazing, they can tell us things that us humans cannot see for ourselves?  There is much to learn about this secret language of dogs and I feel like I am just at the beginning of my apprenticeship.

Sally tells me that these positive moments can be generalised to experiences with other dogs, eventually he will  have to meet other dogs and dogs with issues like him.  At present Sonny is being treated carefully.  Like royalty, he cannot be introduced to anyone without the right credentials, namely 'balanced'.  The wrong experience now could set him back.  Sally is organising 'diplomatic relations' and carefully assessing what he and I can cope with, she is not getting it wrong so far.

The finale.  Sonny and Rocky BOTH OFF LEAD racing down the field, we had debated the possibility of confrontation and decided it was a possible but acceptable risk.  Sonny is still muzzled so cannot do any damage.  Rocky is aware of Sonny's issues and is cautious in his body language and proximity.  Off they go, Sonny tearing along, beside another dog, both off lead both excited.  Recipe for disaster?  No, Sonny recognises he can't pick it up so doesn't try but careers back to me full pelt.  He looks so alive and I am sooooo proud of him and tell him so, he looks at me with those melting soft eyes and gives me his paw.  Doing great isn't he?

Watch him go!

Wednesday is training day, Sonny and I headed off the local park to meet up with Sally and Rocky.  Today we are going to challenge him by having to tolerate Rocky being off lead and running for the ball.  Fortunately Rocky has one of those ball launchers which even with its aid shows up  my complete ineptitude with hand eye coordination. (the bug bear of many a school netball team that had to have me on its patch)!  Fortunately in the dog world, if the ball is unpredictable it makes life more interesting so Rocky was very tolerant of some rather peculiar throws, how he loves his ball!  Sonny of course, now being detained at Sally's side, is beside himself for two reasons, one his beloved mum is more than a stone's throw away and to add insult to injury playing with another dog,

secondly we suspect he would love to join the ball game but cannot.  Next we challenge Sonny's sensitivity to having people and animals coming in close proximity to him. Sally reminds me of the unpleasant feeling that being on a packed train on the underground can have, unpleasant for a lot of people, so we can fully understand how he feels.  But for a guy like Sonny, who is so hyper-sensitive this feeling must be multiplied many times.  I am tasked with running up and down, getting closer each time, with Rocky in tow, putting myself between the dogs, he manages this but I acknowledge that people appearing out of narrow openings unexpectedly is very much a source of my own fear because I am so worried he will react.  Sally suggests I get my partner to practice this as an exercise, so in a way me being startled which is natural, is nothing for him to worry about.  Again I get the question, what am I afraid of when it comes to these situations? I KNOW he can't actually hurt anyone, he could knock a child over, but I would not let that happen, so what is it that bugs me?  Hard as I try I cannot get to the bottom of it, I am even wondering if I should try hypnosis to desensitise myself to these encounters, but still thinking about that one as would be another expense.  How much money is this dog going to cost me over his lifetime, rather like parenthood, best not to think about it!!

Finally Sonny get's his chance, we agree it's safe enough to let him off lead as there are no other dogs around.  Sonny is still muzzled but running for the ball, he loves it, he's totally not worried about Rocky and in future we might even get to a point where they can be off lead together.  At present I'm trying to find a muzzle that would allow him to just be able to pick up the ball so the whole game has some reward for him.  Let's stop it on a good note, Sonny has a positive association of being around Rocky and having a game which will serve him well for next time.

What this dog really needs is to go and live with a pack of dogs but as we know they would need to be balanced as further trauma is not what he needs right now.  My sense has always been that if Cesar Milan had seen Sonny he would have suggested taking him into his pack for several weeks, that would involve intensive work and being around other dogs to the point that he learns the language of dogs.  At present his levels of fear are so great that he is unable to differentiate between non-threat and threat.  Much as I love him I do not propose to ship him off to LA however we may come across a situation that we can put him in here, we will let you know.

Before I finish can I just have a rant about insurance?  It has come to my attention over the last few weeks that it is impossible to get any third party liability insurance for a dog that has bitten, even if he is being muzzled AND on medication AND being rehabilitated by a professional trainer who will vouch for his behaviour and diagnosis.  This, as Sally and I have discussed is a serious issue for anyone with a dog that develops problems with aggression or, considers taking on a dog from a rescue organisation who might have these type of issues.  The future for these troubled and difficult dogs, often presenting with such challenging behaviour through no fault of their own looks very bleak and potentially even more dogs will be euthanized as no one will dare to take a risk!  My best offer was that 'he had to be free of aggression for 2 years' before they would consider it. Thanks a lot Petplan!  Bearing in mind that he would be 12 and a half by then it really wasn't worth it.  All I can say is GRRRRRR!!!

Dogs are like kids really...

I had a bit of an epiphany today, I was thinking about what it's like for children when their parents are very anxious.  Children need parents to tell them that the world is an OK place to be, otherwise they develop fears and anxieties, picking up on the parent's body language and behaviour.  So then, it's the same for our dogs and particularly for Sonny who is such a sensitive boy to changes in his mum's mood, flick of the leash, change in step etc.

It made me think, so I'm really not being fair to you by panicking every time I see another dog.  I've got to convince you that I'm not bothered about it.  You may react because the other dog is the feisty type, can always happen but at least if I don't tune into it, you won't be getting that lack of confidence from me.

Today we practised this, not always successfully, I met a 15month old black lab who was also rescue, Sonny lunged, I have not even looked at the other dog but suspect he probably invited a reaction since his owner described him as a bully to another dog he previously lived with, which is why he's been re-homed.  The owner looks nervous, I stop get Sonny to sit and ask her to do the same.  I find myself going into 'dog trainer mode', explaining why we are doing what we are doing, letting our dogs know 'we are not bothered' and are not going to let them avoid one another, I'm beginning to become a bit of an evangelist, total dog bore.  But the whole thing really is fascinating.  Mission accomplished and two calmer dogs later we move on. 

Up the road a field with horses, good opportunity I think, putting Sonny in a sit and treating him whilst watching the horses on the other side of the road.  On the way back we go in closer.  The horse (fortunately  safely behind his fence) is curious and comes to us, perhaps he thinks he's going to get some treats as well.  Sonny is a bit spooked by his snorting sounds, but I reposition him, he calms down and we move on.

What I find now is I am looking for opportunities to desensitise Sonny to almost anything, loud noises, pneumatic drills. Bring it on world, I've got my treats ready.  I even took him down the 'scarey' narrow passageway where we met our West Highland friend last week, remembering Sally telling me about how dogs can begin to associate certain locations with bad things happening.  It's all good and another step on the journey....